guys, i'm super sorry! i havent gotten to post because my mom is like a detective. i will try to post soon. i feel like such a bad blogger. much love to you all. : )
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
cat's out of the bag.
i'm caught.
my mom found out about me restricting.
more details to come later.
Monday, May 10, 2010
scream!!
i've been stuck at 104 since march!
frustration.
i'm happy in all other aspects of my life except for this one.
p.s. r.i.p. lena horne.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
is it a crime?
i love the live version of this! she killed it!
This may come, This may come as some surprise
but I miss you
I could see through, all of your lies
But I stll miss you
He takes her love, but it doesn't feel like mine
He tastes her kiss, her kisses are not wine, they're not mine
He takes, but surely she can't give what I'm feeling now
She takes, but surely she doesn't know how
Is it a crime
Is it a crime
That I still want you
And I want you to want me too
My love is wider, wider than vitoria lake
My love is taller, taller than the empire state
It dives and it jumps and it ripples like the deepest ocean
I can't give you more than that, surely you want me back
Is it a crime
Is it a crime
That I still want you
And I want you to want me too
My love is wider than vitoria lake
Taller than the empire state
It dives and it jumps
I can't give you more than that, surely you want me back
Is it a crime
Is it a crime
That I still want you
And I want you to want me too
It dives and it jumps
And it ripples like the deepest Ocean
I can't give you more than that
Surely you want me back
Tell me
Is it a crime
Saturday, January 9, 2010
give it to me right
Ok, ok, Hes got my number and..
You cant, you cant want me
Baby here i am,
Either you make the time,
Or just forget me.
Im not, im not, trying to run your life
Thats why thats why im nobodys wife.
But when i want,when i want it, you gotta be ready.
I dont want it all the time,
but when i get it i, better be satisfied
so give it to me right,
or dont give it to me at all
I dont think you understand,
how real it is for me to find a man who thinks he can,
so give it to me right,
or dont give it to me at all
(yeah, yeah,yeah)
On time, on time, i expect you to be,
all mine, all mine
Baby in my fantasy, you cant get it right
Then just forget me.
No ways ok, for you to go around,
Uh Uh today you better make a touch down,
you know what i like, wont you except it.
(ooooh)
I dont want it all the time
but when i want it, you better make me smile
So give it to me right,
or dont give it to me at all.
I dont think you understand,
If you cant please me, i know some one who can
so give it to me right,
or dont give it to me at all.
This is the real life baby,
This is the life that makes me say,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes
This is the real thing baby,
When im alone, i can make me say
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
I dont want it all the time
But when i want it, you better make me smile
So give it to me right,
or dont give it to me at all.
I dont think you understand,
If you cant please me, i know someone who can
So give it to me right
Or dont give it to me at all
Give it to me right
Give it to me right
Or dont give it to me at all
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
binge, purge, cry, cut
my christmas was a mixture of good and bad.
christmas morning: i was with my nephew, mom, sister, and nieces. i watched them open all their presents. it was so rad! i spent like $1500 on them so seeing the smiles on their faces was worth EVERY penny. : ) my mom got me a digital camera, and some perfume from gwen stefani's harajuku lovers line. i love gwen stefani! i've been wearing clothes from her harajuku lovers line and her lamb line since it first came out, so i was super stoked about that.
christmas evening: had dinner with my boyfriend, his mom, and his kids. binged like a freaking monster, felt so full and fat that of course i had to go purge. got caught. i was trying to be a silent and possible while doing it, but my boyfriend walked in on me. (in retrospect, how could i have possibly thought i could barf in silence? what was i thinking?) i was so embarrassed and ashamed because i promised him that i wasn't going to throw up anymore, and i got stone cold busted. i couldn't look him in his eyes because i could just feel how disappointed he was. i felt really guilty. i cut myself on the inside of my left wrist with a razor blade. i sat in his mom's bathroom for about five minutes and cried my eyes out. i hate that i disappointed him, and i hate that i lied to him. luckily for me, his mom didn't notice how red my eyes were after i reappeared.
so that was my christmas day in a nutshell. the good outweighed the bad.
because i can't stop eating, i've gained weight. back up to 116. gross! i keep trying to make myself feel better by saying that everyone gains weight around the holidays, but this sucks, damn it! starting tomorrow, i'm going on a fast. i'm not sure how many days it's going to last, but i hope it goes well. i'm going to try not to purge anymore because of the promise i made to my boyfriend. i don't want to disappoint him.
Friday, January 1, 2010
why r u?
Why are you the one?
I can’t lose
What’s the reason that I’m here again it’s crazy?
I keep waiting, but I’m foolish cause you’ll never change.
Wasted all my time and here I am still crying over you, over you
Hey, loving you is so hard,
I keep trying baby,
I just end up with scars
And I keep fighting baby
Loving you is like a battle that I can’t afford to lose, I can’t lose,
So I’m asking you
Why are you the only thing that I care about?
Why are you the only thing that I care about?
Why are you the only thing I think about?
Why are you the only one?
But baby you’re no good for me,
No, you can’t be, you can’t be, you can’t be the only one
No, you can’t be, you can’t be, you can’t be the only one
I know I hate it, hate it that I can’t forget you
I try my best but, I’m a mess cause I can’t shake you.
Wanna call you but my pride won’t let it get the best of me, the best of me
Loving you is so hard,
But I keep trying baby,
I just end up with scars
Cause I keep fighting baby
Loving you is like a battle that I can’t afford to lose, I can’t lose,
So I’m asking you
Why are you the only thing that I care about?
Why are you the only thing that I care about?
Why are you the only thing I think about?
Why are you the only one?
But baby you’re no good for me,
No, you can’t be, you can’t be, you can’t be the only one
You can’t be, you can’t be, you can’t be the only one
Ohh I can’t believe I’m still crying
And ohh it ain’t because I ain’t been trying
I’m losing sleep cause I can’t help but think about the past
And how we didn’t last, how we didn’t last
(repeat x 2)
Why are you the only thing that I care about?
Why are you the only thing that I care about?
Why are you the only thing I think about?
Why are you the only one?
But baby you’re no good for me,
No, you can’t be, you can’t be, you can’t be the only one
You can’t be, you can’t be, you can’t be the only one
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