Sunday, July 19, 2009

Relapse

hi. as you can see from the title, i've had a relapse.  i stepped on the scale on monday morning, and i saw that i've gained of total of ten pounds since i've started treatment, and i flipped out. felt like a cow. felt like a fat failure. 


binged. 

purged. 

and for the time being, starvation. 

i'm going to take a little break from blogging. i'm not sure when i'll be back. i've got to get this weight off.

peace and blessings,

vixen

24 holla'd back:

Zek J Evets said...

even though you probably won't believe me when i tell you... but ten pounds IS NOT a lot of weight to gain, and unless your doctor specifically TELLS YOU not to gain any weight, then all of this "failure" business is in your head.

geez girl, you need to stop with this fucking negative self-image and eat some food! you're going to kill yourself, slowly.

Cerebrally_Orgasmic said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cerebrally_Orgasmic said...

Just concentrate on gettin better sweetie..Best wishes..

Hard Shell w/ Soft center said...

Awww, honey bunches. Relapsing isn't good. Even though were are on different spectrums of the scale. Concentrate on getting better & not the scale:( Don't go 2far. Your blogging friends(ie me) are here to be a supportive ear & to give supportive words.
Kome back soon,
HSSC

P.S.I am giving u virtual hugs & kisses.

JacqueRoxx said...

I'm sure that those ten pounds make you look a lot healthier, seriously. Binging and purging is terrible for you. It rips up your insides. It makes your skin look horrible, and your hair. I bet your beautiful! Don't mess yourself up...

Keli said...

Do you really mean you got to get the weight off?

Throw away your scale immediately!

I pray that one day you will look in the mirror, and love the person that looks back at you.

BLACKkittenROAR said...

Take care of yourself please! Stay healthy, 10lbs really is ok and not that big of a deal

contagiouslyCRANKY said...

Please stay healthy. Get better and continue with treatment. Take care..

Teems said...

Yea I dont want to see you go through this again. Like the PP said....throw away that scale. Continue your treatment that is what its for. Don't ignore your blog because of this either. I hope the all the virtual encouragement help get you through this.

LUV YOU!

Amber-Alert said...

*hugs*

Yet said...

Oh my! Why did a foreboding shiver run down my spine after reading this? You know better than I do. I hope you can chase away the demons in time and come back to us soon.
:)

Fresco said...

hey...
i know its rough right now. all this stuff going thru your head about how you need to drop the lbs. (i understand...)
but if you know its a relpase try to fight it. at lesdt your at that stage to know when you are replaseing...which it is a very big accomplishment.
That 10 lbs was you getting better. i know alot of personal demons and struggles come with eating disorders. but please...dont let the demons win!

YoungBlackBeauty said...

Aww now you making me worry about you even more. Im sure you look nice and healthy! Take care mama and get better real soon!

IntrospectiveGoddess said...

I know im hella late, but I just pray that you conquer this, and continue your treatment. Get well soon, and know that we are all here for you..patiently waiting for your return.....

ZION`OLOGY said...

stop it with all this self hate that`s killing you...and the people around....we all care and love u dearly....just throw the damn scales...and Concentrate on getting better...takecare sweetheart..&..plz start loving urself...zxxx

Truthful Trish said...

I love you girly and when you get back we'll still be here to support..dont stress out girl :(

miss ya!

Anonymous said...

I just stumbled across your blog and i think that you are very brave and honest. I personally dont know anything about eating disorders but i do know something about struggling with self esteem and self image issues. All I can say is to continue seeking treatment and choose life because this illness can kill you. Im praying that you will soon be in good health....physically and mentally

foureightytwo...

dearly beloved. said...

you're in my prayers.. keep your head up mama!

xthinforever said...

well i hope you come back :(
you just started following me
come back missy

Als said...

Get well soon!

dejanae said...

get better hon
and like others have said
throw the scale out
itll do u a world of good

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Hey babe. We're praying for you. You have the strength to conquer this. Don't be hard on yourself for this, just move forward with the same attitude that pulled you out and up the last time. Much love!

aBot x said...

concentrate on getting BETTER.
you're going to kill yourself if you continue to do this.

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