hi. as you can see from the title, i've had a relapse. i stepped on the scale on monday morning, and i saw that i've gained of total of ten pounds since i've started treatment, and i flipped out. felt like a cow. felt like a fat failure.
.....and I'm sitting at home by myself watching 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders Of The Eighties on VH-1. Why? Because my boyfriend doesn't get off work until 10. I can't wait to see him.... I need some peen. Even though we had a quickie this morning. : ) I love him so much, I'm so glad we're back together. I love falling asleep in his arms, kissing him , and spending time with his children. I love how he interacts with his kids..... It's actually one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. I really feel like we're starting to come together as a real family.
Hey hey hey everybody! Did you miss me? Of course you did! LOL. I missed you guys too! Babies, vixen's exhausted.
I just want to stop and take a moment to tell you guys how happy your comments make me! You have no idea how much I look forward to reading them. I appreciate you guys for coming by my blog, and here's a big ol' HI! to all my new readers...adding you to the blogroll soon. : )
So I know you guys are wondering if I'm eating, and yes, I am. I had to. I was so weak it was to the point where I felt nauseous everytime I bent down to tie my shoes. I'm taking it slow because I know that I can't be cured overnight....this is really hard for me. I've had the urge to throw up everytime I eat but I'm fighting it. I can't let this eating disorder kill me. I went to my eating disorder support group meeting on Thursday night, and Victoria was there. She is the coolest white girl ever! I can tell we're going to be really good friends.
Um...what else? There's not too much going on in the life of vixen. Things with my twin sister are getting a little better. She's trying to do better with the kids, but I'm still doing a majority of the brunt work. Why, you ask? Because I love my neices and my nephew and I want them to have the best. The other night my 5 year old nephew said to me, 'auntie why do you work so much?' and it was then that I realized that I'm doing this for them. I love those kids more than the air I breathe.
Now, on to Mr. Barack Obama!!! I live in Nashville, and he's in town today! They blocked the street where my job is so that he can get to the debate tonight, and I saw him! Yep, you read right! I saw BARACK O-FREAKIN-BAMA!!! He waved at me from his car!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! I almost had a freakin heart attack I was so excited that he waved that me! That man is just brilliant, amazing, talented, and beautiful! He's the father I've always wanted. Seeing him made my whole day and it really gave me hope that things are going to change in our country. He's going to be a great president. AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH I can't believe that brilliant man waved at me!
Anywhos..... I had a meltdown of epic proportions after I left work last night. I was thinking about how much my life has changed since I'm not with him anymore. He was my first boyfriend. Breaking up is so hard to do. It just hit me like a ton of bricks....wow, it's really over. I cried so much last night. I get a pain in my chest everytime I think about him. I miss being his girlfriend so much. *plays 'Can't Let Go' by Mariah Carey*
On to more fun things......
This is a list of songs that I consider to be my gulity pleasure songs. (This is a music blog, after all!)
***DISCLAIMER: THIS POST HAS A LOT OF CURSE WORDS IN IT. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE PROFANITY, STOP READING NOW.***
Hi everybody! First off, let me say that I am truly sorry for taking so long to do a post. My job has been so crazy- instead of working 40 hours a week I've been working 60. Needless to say, I've been WAY tired. Like falling-asleep-as-soon-as-my-head-hits-the-pillow-tired.
My twin sister moved in with my mom and I like 4 days ago, and I'm already feeling the strain of it. She got put out of her apartment because her bitch ass baby daddy (yes my sister is one of those ghetto as hell girls whose 3 kids have 3 different dads...but I digress) robbed some guy that lives in the same apartments so the guy went and shot inside my sisters house while my nieces and nephew where in there. Clearly I'm pissed off about this situation because 1) my sister and her kids are practically homeless because of this loser, 2) she still talks to him but she lied to my mom and told her that she doesn't talk to him anymore, and 3) that asshole put my neices and nephew in danger and I don't appreciate that shit. My sister is so trifling all she does is sit around and smoke weed all day. She's pissing me off so bad I love my sister to death but she's 22 years old with 3 kids, she needs to grow the hell up and take responsibility for her actions. Our living situation kind of sucks now it's my mom, my sister, my 2 neices and my nephew in a two bedroom house. Can you say cramped? The kids sleep in my bed with me, and my sister sleeps on our sofa. I'm happy that the kids are here, because I get to see them more, but my sister is starting to irk me something fierce. Like she doesn't give the kids baths she sleeps all day, and she's basically just lazy as hell. I wake up eary in the morning, get the kids ready for school, drop them off, work 10 hours a day, come home, help the kids with their homework, give them baths, and put them to bed. Do you think my ungrateful ass sister has thanked me for any of this? NO. I'm about ready to give up on her. I'm tired. Sometimes I want to grab her and shake her and slap some since into her. She needs to get her ass beat.
So like the title indicated, I have some confessions to make.....
I havent eaten anything since Friday. Getting better is harder than I thought it would be. I'm so afraid of gaining weight. The last time I ate I just threw it all up after I was done.
The ex and I ended up having sex the other night. I could give you a bunch of excuses, but I'm not going to. Hell, I was horny. He told me he loved me after we were done. I'm not going to get my hopes up because I doubt that he wants me back.
These are my confessions...what are yours?
Peace and Blessings,
vixen
