Sunday, August 31, 2008

Breakups And Such

I broke things off with the boyfriend this morning. I think from now on we'll call him 'C' . Anyways, I ended our relationship of a year and a half today. I haven't cried yet. I'm not even upset. I actually kind of feel like I'm on autopilot now...I just feel numb. I don't think it has hit me yet. It's funny, when we were together I would get upset whenever I thought about us not being together. I asked him if he cheated and of course he denied it. I still have a feeling that he did but whatever, I'm not going to stress over it. What is meant to be will be. He is my heart, and I still love him, but I can't be in a relationship with someone I can't trust. We had a good day at work (sidenote:did I mention that we work together? He's my boss. I met him there. But that's a whole other post.) even after I told him I didn't want to be together anymore. I know I sound optimistic right now, but I think I would flip the fuck out if I saw him with another chick. But I will cross that bridge when it gets here....

I want to tell you guys about the whole weird situation that is my father, but that will set off a crying jag, and I don't think I'm prepared for that today. Another post, someday soon, I promise.

So on with some (hopefully) good news: I will be starting treatment for my eating disorder this week. I will be attending meetings on Tuesday and Thursday nights until I conquer this demon they call anorexia and bulemia. These are the same meetings I attended two years ago when I first got sick. I think I will do well, but I'm not sure about the whole eating thing (insert irony here). All I ate today was three apples and a bottle of water. I can't remember the last time I had a real meal. But that's neither here or there. But I will say this: I really want to get better.

Peace and Blessings,
vixen

23 holla'd back:

Bobby_2010 said...

Hey there! I'm sitting here with Lucky, and we're both on YOUR side! Lucky says, "I love you, and you'll be OKAY!" She says it with flair and big hair! :)

Narm said...

Amazing how much of a cool head you have with so much going on. Great attitude to have and I'm sure you'll get the best of it.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

im trying to get my ex tyo leave me the f alone

The Black Kat said...

I hope you get better, too. =o) So, Kudos for trying to conquer that demon.

And glad to see you're keeping a level head right now regarding the breakup. It's good to see that the two of you can still be cordial.

Eb the Celeb said...

its all about you right now missy... get your health right... and then worry about the relationship...

its going to be awkward though working with him... but if you know its not meant to be it was good that you let it go now so that you can move on... and really be a new person after your treatment... so remember.. keep putting yourself first and good luck

DiamondsR4eva said...

I'm glad you're seeking treatment, I was worried when I read the previous post.

Your ex is your boss?!?!?!! That's crazy, here's to cooler heads prevailing esp. if one of you sees the other moving on..

I hope everything works out for you gurlie :-)

pink said...

Cosignin wit Eb. Worry about you and your health. Once that is all worked out everything else will fall into place.

Im proud of you for seeking help!!

dejanae said...

i really want u to get better too hon
hopefully the work situation doesnt get awkward
but u had to do what u had to do

viavonne said...

*hi five* to you for taking that step and getting help with the disorder. Its's absolutely the right way to go.

And I'm sorry about the break up. I know it ain't easy, but if you have a nagging feeling that you were being cheated on, you are right to TRUST that. Trust yourself girly. You'll be okay.

Keep us posted!

Judy D. said...

thanks for stopping by to my blog... i hope that the meeting serves u best.
u and ex-bf sounds like a ify situation cuz yall work together... how are yall at work????

A.M. said...

yikes about the break up. Remember what's meant to be will be.

Congrats on making the step to go to the meetings. Ur will def be in my prayers tonight :)

Remember to smile!!!

Sass said...

sounds like you are headed in the right direction mama! one day at a time.

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

Keep ya head up, Like Tupac.

Gotta Let it Out said...

Sounds like you're making the right moves hunny. Keep on pushing through.I'm glad to see you're blogging... I knew it was only a matter of time.

mzvirgo said...

Hi, I just wanted to tell you to be strong and keep your head up.

Tima And Nasha said...

May god bless you in everything you do!

blackgirlinthecity said...

OMG why does this sound so familiar? Go read my 'detox' series. I've been through it, you'll get through it!

F.U. said...

I'm so glad that u were strong enuff to know that u deserve the best and ended a relationship that u prolly could have stayed in forever...trust is necessary.

More importantly, I think it is great that u are working on you and your health. Thay is what is most important. U can't be for anybody else what u can't be for yourself.

I'll be thinkin about u but I know u will be just fine.

Luh u...bye.

(vixenchick) said...

bobby: hi! thanx a bunch!

lucky: i love you chicka!

narm: i'm trying to stay positive cuz being negative doesnt fix anything. : )

torrance: youre always beating them off with a stick, lol

the black kat: im trying to get better hopefully my treatment will work. i think its easy for us to be cordial because we're best friends..

eb: thanx im feelimg alot better now. its not really awkward whats weird is that its not feeling weird, lol

diamondsr4eva: treatment is going good so far. yep, he's my boss. im fine now but i would freak out if i saw him with another girl.

pink: thanx, boo

dejanae: thanx, babe

viavonne: i feel a whole lot better now that i'm not stressing over him...i should have broke it off with him a long time ago.

judy d: it's not weird at all we are very cordial with one another.

a.m.: thanx for praying for me. : )

sass: "one day at a time'...how did you know that's been my mantra? lol

tha bossmack topsoil: head's up!

gotta let it out: i had to start blogging...i was like pookie from new jack city: 'the shit just keeps calling me, man' lol

mzvirgo: thanx sweetness.

tima and nasha: thanx a bunch babes. : )

black girl in the city: i'll read it as soon as i can..promise!

f.u.: thanx for thinking bout me. luh u....bye, lol

Lady Koko said...

you know what..I LOVE YOUR ATTITUDE!!!!!!!!!! STAY POSITIVE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!! THE EX ISNT UR MAIN PRIORITY RIGHT NOW..u r!!!!!!!!! and its true...i u cant trust him why subject urself to all the stress and panic!!!!!!
STAY POSITIVE...STAY STRONG..STAY BEAUTIFUL....
P.S: hows that for a motivational speech huh??? I SAY LADY KOKO FOR PRESIDENT..LOLOOL
P.P.S: first time here actaully....VIXENCHICK..lurrrrrve ya name..UBER SEXYYY!!!!!!!!
P.P.P.S:XOXO

iCandy21 said...

I'm soooo happy that you've decided to take that step to work on your eating disorder *smiles*...my sister was bulemic when I was younger and she used to tell me I couldn't tell my mom b/c I would get in trouble if I told. I would hear her throwing up in the bathroom. Luckily, by the grace of God, he must have heard my prayers and somehow she got over it w/o having to get real help. I just...Idk...im really proud of you for this one. I know you'll pull through =] if you ever need anything or someone to talk to feel free to hit me up...i have aim, yahoo, and gmail =]

luvinyounow said...

I know I'm late with this comment...but I just found your blog since you just commented on mine. :)...

but I'm REALLY pulling for you. You took a tremendous step in going to get help, so I'm very proud! Good luck! You can do it!

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