Sunday, September 28, 2008

These Are My Confessions.....

***DISCLAIMER: THIS POST HAS A LOT OF CURSE WORDS IN IT. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE PROFANITY, STOP READING NOW.***


Hi everybody! First off, let me say that I am truly sorry for taking so long to do a post. My job has been so crazy- instead of working 40 hours a week I've been working 60. Needless to say, I've been WAY tired. Like falling-asleep-as-soon-as-my-head-hits-the-pillow-tired.

My twin sister moved in with my mom and I like 4 days ago, and I'm already feeling the strain of it. She got put out of her apartment because her bitch ass baby daddy (yes my sister is one of those ghetto as hell girls whose 3 kids have 3 different dads...but I digress) robbed some guy that lives in the same apartments so the guy went and shot inside my sisters house while my nieces and nephew where in there. Clearly I'm pissed off about this situation because 1) my sister and her kids are practically homeless because of this loser, 2) she still talks to him but she lied to my mom and told her that she doesn't talk to him anymore, and 3) that asshole put my neices and nephew in danger and I don't appreciate that shit. My sister is so trifling all she does is sit around and smoke weed all day. She's pissing me off so bad I love my sister to death but she's 22 years old with 3 kids, she needs to grow the hell up and take responsibility for her actions. Our living situation kind of sucks now it's my mom, my sister, my 2 neices and my nephew in a two bedroom house. Can you say cramped? The kids sleep in my bed with me, and my sister sleeps on our sofa. I'm happy that the kids are here, because I get to see them more, but my sister is starting to irk me something fierce. Like she doesn't give the kids baths she sleeps all day, and she's basically just lazy as hell. I wake up eary in the morning, get the kids ready for school, drop them off, work 10 hours a day, come home, help the kids with their homework, give them baths, and put them to bed. Do you think my ungrateful ass sister has thanked me for any of this? NO. I'm about ready to give up on her. I'm tired. Sometimes I want to grab her and shake her and slap some since into her. She needs to get her ass beat.

So like the title indicated, I have some confessions to make.....

I havent eaten anything since Friday. Getting better is harder than I thought it would be. I'm so afraid of gaining weight. The last time I ate I just threw it all up after I was done.

The ex and I ended up having sex the other night. I could give you a bunch of excuses, but I'm not going to. Hell, I was horny. He told me he loved me after we were done. I'm not going to get my hopes up because I doubt that he wants me back.

These are my confessions...what are yours?

Peace and Blessings,
vixen

57 holla'd back:

Narm said...

"Hell, I was horny."

After an extremely serious post that line was hysterical.

FlyyGurl said...

I concur w/narm...but ex sex? One of life's lesser evils...Hope you get better! Dont quite know what to make of your sister situation, since often i want to beat the fuck out of all my family members...oh and profanity? All right with me, ma'am. ;)

Tima And Nasha said...

Vixen its Tima and I'm so happy u wrote!!!! Now for that sister of yours that's a sad situation! She needs some Tuff Love! You need to tell ya mom she still talkin to that fool! Then ya mom and her need to beat her ass and tell her to get a job or yall gonna kick her out but the kids can stay and she can just come visit them.Them kids don't deserve that craziness!
Now my confession is that ok here it goes I tried anal sex! Yes I know shocker!

Tima And Nasha said...

Sweety were praying for u to get better!

DiamondsR4eva said...

Horny is always a legit excuse
however not eating for fear of gaining weight is not sweetie...but I know things are going well slowly but surely on that end am I right? :-)

love&nappyness said...

hi vixen! i missed you too! ::hugs::

wow, all i can say to this post is KUDOS to you and you are amazing for workin them long ass hours and takin gcare of likely bad kids lol. girl i work my lil 8 hours a day and KNOCK OUT!

and i want you to eat! talk out your feelings with us but eat, honey.

but confessions...hmmm
well i guess this doesnt count cuz it hasnt happened YET. but i plan on tossing a boos salad...on his birthday or something after ive thoroughly cleaned him in the shower. LMAO! i know i know. i always wanted to do it. lolllll. anyways. bye!!

Keli said...

I understand about loving a siter...I love my lil sister to peaces, but many times I can't cosign on the decisions she makes as a woman, and I am very vocal when I disagree...so much so that we have come to blows because of it...you sound like a great aunt...although you may feel unappreciated (I know I do at times)...I am sure that children love and appreciate you...and it will show more as they grow older.

I know it had to be hard to admit that you're not eaten like you should...but knowing is half the battle...or so they stay...baby steps, but just keep walking in the right direction.

Jaded said...

Vixen! So glad your back I missed you! Sorry your going through strife right now. I have no advice whatsoever BUT I totally agree with diamond horniness= excellent excuse. Not gaining weight, not so much. But I know its a uphill battle.

I guess the only thing you can do is enjoy your time with the nieces and nephews! ((hugs))

contagiouslyCRANKY said...

Vixen I love you! Get well babe! I hope the fornication was good..i totally understand horniness lol!!! Be patient with your sister and continue to be there for your nieces and nephew....

iCandy21 said...

Hey boo *wink*...I'm sooo glad you finally blogged. I kept looking at my bloglist everyday hoping to see a new post from you lol.

Anyway, your sister is off the hook. I can't believe u said she's still talking to this dude after he put her children in danger. That's the ultimate no-no, and means to get his ass beat. I'll pray that the situation gets crazy. Oh, and don't run yourself ragged trying to take care of her responsibilities. I know the kids r ur nieces and nephew, but u cant do everything.

As for these confessions. I'mma need you to eat! Like really babe...your health is more important that gaining a lb. I know it's hard, but I have faith that you'll get over this. And horny ex sex, huh? I know how that can be...hopefully it was good, and u got your rocks off lol.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

some folk to selfish and dont need to have kids - just try and be patient hon

She Bangz said...

dont stress the sex with your ex its better than sex with a strager!!!

pink said...

hunnybunny!! im so glad you finally blogged! I was actually comin here to threaten you if you hadnt lmao!!

are you still going to those meetings? i know you said that you were the only black gurl but some support is better than none ya know? I think about you all the time and pray that you get better...

ex sex? as long as you dont get your hopes up then i guess....but for me, personally i dont do it. i cant see myself playin wifey to you and then turnin around and bein a booty call. Maybe thats why i havent had no dick since may...lmao

Tima And Nasha said...

Vixen my heart goes out to you so much I know it is alot on your plate right now..and all though your sister is being ungrateful and acting as if she's on a vaca..don't give up on her..I believe there is a reason for everything that works and goes on around us.. you may not see it or understand why..but trust me your blessing or coming. you have a heart of gold and your nieces and nephews need you also.. I just hope that your sister comes to her senses to but I know god has something in store for her soon... I just hope it's not to late for her to realize how important the situation she came out of and trying Leave the past in the past and move on..because changes starts with self . Much love~~~~~~~~~~

Tima And Nasha said...

nasha- just wanted to let you know who left you the blog!

Princess Katrina said...

I hope everything works out for your sister and beautiful nieces and nephews! She does not need to be talking to that guy, hes dangerous and obviously didn't think about his family first before he went and did that foolishness! Its so good to see how much you love your family and are there for them! You go girl!!

Judy D. said...

oh i dont like yr sister, and i dont even know here. Cudos to u for taking care of the children, they will notice and appreciate it one day... she makes BM's look baaaad. please slap her... anyway, sometimes u got get yrs, ya know?
i been horney myself. a new friend of mine said go treat yrself, buzzzzzzzzz if u know what i mean lmao

get some rest, eat, sleep

stay strong

Kitty said...

Your sis is a trip. One of my little sisters is a messy broad too. Isn't it a pain in the a$$? Especially when they have kids. Try not to put a pillow over her head while she's sleeping on the sofa tho. ;-)

As far as my confession.
I danced with some sexy ass dude this weekend and I feel mad guilty about it cuz i was feeling him a little too much for a girl with a man at home. Here it is monday and I'm still talking about him. SMH Boring I know but that's all I got babes!

My Fashion Frenzy said...

Whhhhhaaaat! I like this blog!!

Soulstress said...

Stay strong vix...recovery doesnt happen overnite!

***sendin waves of encouragement***

luvinyounow said...

Vixen! So glad you wrote!

Just like you told me....just remember that you can always get back up. So don't feel guilty. Just keep trying. I'm behind you 1000%.

Ms. Magnificant said...

I feel you all that drama wears you out and you don't feel like doing anything. I want you to stay strong and make sure you eat. I'm a diabetic and I know I must eat no matter how much I don't feel like it. Keep your head up and stay strong apparently your neice and nephews need you more than you may ever know.

Francesca said...

My confession: I was ubberly skinny in high school, and now after undergrad my is like, "Why have you gained so much weight?" I blame it on late night study sessions and energy drinks. Truth is for like two years in high school I ate nothing but salad and graham crackers, and the latter was only on a good day.

Ms. Behaving said...

WOW...My hat goes off to you for being able to hold down a job requiring so much of your time AND STILL be able to turn around and care for your nieces and nephew.

You are truly a godsend for that!

Sounds like your sis needs to step her game up...
Ain't no dude more important than your children or their well being.

It's gonna take some time and lots of patience before you'll get over this hurdle/your fear of weight gain but
it'll happen.

Here's wishin' you continued blessings :-)

Judy D. said...

i named her zion because it was a name i could use for a girl and a boy. i like the letter z... it also means promise- the promise that when "jesus" comes again, he will fist step foot on mt. zion... its just a beautiful name, for a perfect child

Eb the Celeb said...

Its tues... so I'm hoping you have eaten something by now... you know that's not healthy and maybe you should see someone about it...

I will keep you in my prayers!

~SpiFFSter ~ {SFC} said...

Damn.
Does everyone have or know about those Ghetto Chicks"...
It's like a epidemic...
Stay in there for the kids...
If anything you shall prosper and adopt them and be better than their mom's....
your confessions had me dying...
coldblooded honesty is what the world needs....
fuck the recession!

Lucky said...

My confession: I'm fucking exhausted.

I can't even say anything besides every family's got one (or two, or three) but it's important that you take care of yourself. You were/are making progress!

Omotee! said...

awwww babe, u got so much on ur plate and i think its a miracle u r still sane! i say pele dear!

yeah, ur sis does need some tuff love, yell and bitch and do whatever u will to get her back to her senses, thats no way to live! we all do have reasons to live lazy lives and smoke weed but hey, if she goes nuts and drive u nuts, who will take care of her babies?

yeah, being horny is a good reason to sex the ex!

first time here and i love ur blog! off to read the rest.
hugs!

Carlang said...

Hi,
Sounds like you're having a not so fantastic week.

You need to eat.
A few off us dont like it but hey someone's got to do the job.

Imagine how you would feel if you were a sandwich and your owner refused to eat you.
Pretty frustrated right?

See?
So yeah.
I understand you not wanting to eat.
But all those foodstuff out there? They need to be eaten. It's their destiny. What they've waited their entire lives for.

Are you going to tell me you're going to let down their life dreams just because you dont feel like eating?
I thought so.

So eat.
Not because you can.
But because you must.

Do it for the plants out there relying on you.

As far as sex with the ex is concerned..
It's okay just as long as you're both okay with it.

P.s You better be nibbling something by now.
Get on with it!!!

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Wow! I am pissed off at yours sisters boyfriend for robbing some guy. Especially since he lives in the same area. Then I'm pissed off at the guy for shooting up the house with small kids in there. Damn that pissed me off.

dejanae said...

sis needs to get her shit together yesterday

you are definitely a great auntie

sex wit the ex
there are worse things

since friday?
get on that hon

Kitty said...

Hey Vixen, email me! I want to invite you to my personal blog.

YoungBlackBeauty said...

Ok Im know am several days late but dayum I know how you feel to the T! I can't get down with the negative ass energy that is my family. Stay strong.

freemanpress said...

Baby girl you got to eat some pasta or something. I'm back witcha so hang in there and lets get it done.

Ms. Jones said...

Your sis definitely sounds like a genuine pain in the ass although I'm sure the kids are lovely! My confession...I'm over my ex, but I feel bad about it (its complicated lol). I'm here if you wanna chat so don't hesitate :)

swag_ambassador said...

Its always more ill when it happens to ya loved ones.. Funny, I have a situation with a siblign of mine right now, this might have just sparked me to write aobut it..

chin up, eyes to the sky.. youll be floatin in no time

Mizrepresent said...

Gurl, all i can say...i feel you on the "Hell, I was horny"...no lie...these are my confessions!

DBaby said...

vixen,

that's one hell of a situation, but you can't let your sister's triflingness (pretty sure that's not a word, but oh well) get the best of you. And as far as the anorexia, baby u just have to keep telling yourself you're gonna beat it. And sometimes you just need some sex, as long as you know what's up. Til next time, stay up love.
DBaby

A.M. said...

aww baby love
First your sister does sound kinda crazy...sorry u have to be going through that.

no food since Fri? awww man. I wish there was something I could say to u to make u feel all better, like "food is actually good for u and it's fun" but u prob wouldn't be able to accept that.

About the ex? it's okay don't feel bad, we've all done that once or twice...mine ended in tears. I don't know how to have "we're not together, but i love u and we're having sex" sex. can't do it.

Feel better. and Keep ya head up like ya nose been bleeding :)

viavonne said...

What a scenario.

I work 55-60 hours a week on the regular. I couldn't IMAGINE doing that AND having to take care of 3 kids when I get home. I know those kids appreciate you.

I think your sister needs a case of tough love. Something to make her WAKE UP. Those kids are her responsibility and nobody else's. She needs to step up. Smoking weed all day on her mom's couch is no good and when/if your mom forces her to stand on her own two feet, THEN what's she gonna do?

And girl. You.need.to.eat.something! Sensible portions. Eating will not turn you into a blimp. Eating TOO MUCH will turn you into a blimp. Just try and eat a little bit. Food is not the enemy. It's fuel. You need it to live chick-a-dee.

As for the ex... I don't even know what to say. Walking away is SO much easier said than done. I've never had ex sex, so it's not my area of expertise. Hopefully yall can make a clean break, though, if that's what you both want.

Thus ends my essay. =)

Keep pushin, Vixen. Much luv.

-Brownngirl.

MsPuddin said...

i used to do that all the time, with the ex i mean.handle that.it will get old eventually.but yes, don't get your hopes up.

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...

lol@ carlang...(he is a sweetie isn't he vixen?)

@ vixenchick - i'm sorry 2 say but your sister sounds like a bit of a 'tit'...just keep doing what you do...for her kids...they need you...

re: having sex with the ex...heck it's allowed...i've done that...but my friend once told me... do what you do... who you do...but don't get head fucked!

if emotions are a factor remember why why you broke up and fix that...if not then don't.

pls try and eat something and keep it down.
be healthy.
be well hun

Dope Fiend said...

Baby gurl, u gots to eat. It's true getting better is difficult, it takes a lot, but I pray the Lord Gives you Strength to do so. Ok now I've been nice....


YOUR SISTER, needs to fix up! Seriously, not washing her pickney dem, or taking them to school, she sounds like wastegash! A child does not need a wastegal for a mother. Now i know you love her, but You have to show her some TUFF LOVE.

I'm talking about the knocking her head against a wall love. Feel me?

Those children need some structure, and at least ONE good role model for a parent.

poison.ivy said...

isnt being horny and near your ex trouble???

girl you better eat...

"NEW POST NEW POST"
opps, was i chanting????
LMAO

againstthegrain said...

Damn girl. You're pretty stellar for helpng your sister out. It'll pay off, even those kids loving you to death makes it all worth it. Everything will fall into place.

Nicole said...

oh hey sweety, where was i???? where was u?? hehe..
great post btw...
appreciate the comment.
x

Gotta Let it Out said...

Loving the realness of your writing babes. You be bringin it.

Your sis has got to get it together... plain and fucking simple. That half ass parenting shit ain't gonna cut it. Her kids deserve better. But really I do see that you're in between a rock and a hard place... on one hand, you wanna make sure your neices and nephews got everything they need, and on the other hand, you don't want to enable her trifling ass.

Tough spot girl... what you do in that spot is only up to you, I wish I could help there, but you know I've been there, and I always just conclude it with, leaving it in God's hands. Doing all I can handle, and the rest, he takes care of.

Sexin the ex-factor, huh? Been there... did that.... and it turned out great. LOL. But I shouldn't encourage naughtiness... LMAO. My bad.

Glad it was good though. *winks*

Haven't been eating huh? Well, I don't know much about eating disorders, but I do know that once you recongnize that you have a problem, you're on the right track. You'll get there babe, just be strong, and take it one meal/snack at a time.

You know I'm always here...anytime you just wanna let it out... hit me up gottaletitout@gmail.com

♥ you long time girl.

Lina said...

This is my first time here and I have to say that I feel you about the sister thing. My situation with my sister was worse but it has gotten loads better. The only advice I can give you is to keep praying for patience...for you. Cause thats what its going to take. If having three kids doesn't make you responsible, then she is not going to be any time soon. Its going to take something to click off in her head for her to realize that she has three children to care for. I never hope its anything tragic, but its going to take something big. For my sister, it was her last failed relationship and her first abortion.

Keep your head up, dollface...and sometimes...you gotta get your rocks off...

Truthful Trish said...

"Hell I was horny"..lmao that line is priceless love it! So real, sometimes there really is no other excuse as to why we go back and do it.....sex is a sin..but then again one of the sweetest sins feel me? Lol

Noice blog ,mama
Www.keepingittrisha.blogspot.com

desirae! said...

dude. my sister is the same way. pregnant at sixteen. then again at eighteen. two different guys whom she no longer speaks. one sold crack. and probably smokes crack. cuz nig looks like a crackhead. the other doesn't even think my niece belongs to him. and probably doesn't. she's lazy. she's had like 5646161 jobs and she's only 24. she's steals from US the only people who try and help her. she's rude. disrespectful. she comes in and tries to run shit. no. that's not cool. and to top it all of. she's smells weird and her best friend has a fixation with coke.

so i feel you on this. for sure.

Shubby Doo said...

just checking in on you...how you doing today vixen? pls be eating by now...

William H. said...

"Some say the ex makes the best sex.."

shivering up that spine, that ass is mine...lol

guess you thought B.I.G. was playin with that line...


interesting blog...


irunthroughbabymommas.blogspot.com

Da Hunni Toya said...

AWWW MAN THATS SAD ABT UR SIS..
YEA KNOCK SOME SENSE IN HERE THOUGH FOR REAL..

ray said...

very raw. i hope things are going better with you and you're trying to tackle that eating disorder. you seem like a reall smart, and aware girl...you know whats best for you.
blessings to your sis too..hopefully she'll realize her kids are so much more important than the guy.
xoxo

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